BY LINCOLN GASKING | The famous Disneyland theme park ride, "Pirates of the Caribbean" is translated into a swashbuckling adventure starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush and Keira Knightley.

EXPECTATIONS

What I'd Heard
Disney called in Jerry Bruckheimer and Shrek/Aladdin/Mask of Zorro scribes Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio to translate the ride into a summer blockbuster. Being a fan of the ride from a memorable childhood visit to America, I was following the making of this film with a simmering dread of a potential misfire. There was every opportunity for this to become another "Treasure Planet".

What I'd Seen
When I saw the teaser trailer (which consisted of skeleton legs walking through kneecap-deep ocean) it seemed terribly uninspired. Everything I feared could be coming horribly true! The trailer screamed Pearl Harbor-level disappointment of a potentially good movie. But in the weeks before the film's release, as the stunningly beautiful Keira Knightley (Bend it Like Beckham) appeared on billboards all over Los Angeles, my expectations moved back into (very) positive territory. Even if the film sucked, a corseted Keira would save the day.

What I Wanted
I've been a huge fan of pirates all my life. Stories such as Tintin & Captain Haddock's adventures with Red Rackham's Treasure were my staple reading diet -- I even owned the complete set of Pirate Lego. I wanted a film that inspired one's imagination and interest to the levels of the first skeleton Captain clutching the pirate ship's wheel on "Pirates of the Carribean" the first time you stepped onto that boat in Anaheim. I wanted to be transported back to a time of treasure chests, skulls and dogs who held keys to jail cells.

EXPERIENCE

What Turned Me On

Making a great ride into a great movie
All the things that people love about pirates have been reproduced into one story. Specifically, the elements of the ride (the dog and the keys, the pirate town, the skeleton pirates) have all been merged into a fantastical tale of swashbuckling romance, greed and piracy. There are many laughs as each scene from the ride are seamlessly built into the story.

Johnny Depp
Johnny Depp is the reason not to miss "Pirates of the Carribean". When Johnny Depp does his lifetime achievement award circuit one day, you can guarantee his Captain Jack Sparrow will be included in the "best-of" clips. He has created an iconic cinematic character.

Johnny Depp takes the character of Sparrow, which in the writers' minds was a version of Burt Lancaster, and spins it (and the film) on its head. He creates such a lovable rogue (apparently modeled on a Rastafarian Keith Richards and Pepe Le Pew) that director Gore Verbinski says you'd "enjoy watching [him] steal money from a little old lady."

I've never been his biggest fan -- but now I'm the newest disciple in the Church of Johnny!

Keira Knightley
Talking to guys about "Pirates", I've discovered that everyone who saw "Bend it Like Beckham" is secretly going to Pirates of the Caribbean to see more of Keira Knightley. From our search records on CountingDown.com, I also know Orlando Bloom is the most searched actor in the history of our site. Jerry Bruckheimer has made some awesome casting decisions with these two. If Johnny Depp wasn't enough to get you to see the film, one of these two should be.

Special Effects
Unlike the trailer, the special effects (supervised by ILM's John Knoll) are fantastic. A+ job!

Comedy
This flick is a lot of fun! It's the perfect summer film, and jam-packed full of laughs and funny lines, with Johnny Depp stealing the show.

What Turned Me Off

Action sequences
One of the key elements of any pirate adventure is its action, such as the boarding of a ship, where a pirate ship comes into contact with their oft-weaker foe. Overall, the action sequences seemed less exciting than they could have been. They didn't rise to the level of the characterization and effects. The coverage was choppy and uninteresting. I suspect sections were cut from these sequences to shorten the film's length. It brought the film down from being an instant classic to second tier.

Convoluted plot
The plot seemed to have one twist too many. Essentially the story involves a group of pirates who steal cursed treasure, who must return it all to break their eternal damnation as living skeletons. Maybe the confusing storyline came from having essentially two protagonists, Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp.

Lines Worth Repeating
There's a fantastic line from Johnny Depp when the dog-holding-the-keys appears. This film has some great one-liners, which I will not spoil.

Fidget Factor
There's no fidget factor here. From the pure enjoyment of watching Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow wile his way through the film, to watching Keira Knightley simply breathe on-screen, this film had no problem keeping audience attention.

AFTERMATH

I left thinking... this film is going to make Disney a bullion larger than Jack Sparrow's. Great casting. Johnny Depp was amazing. Pirates of the Caribbean is known by enough people to get a great opening, but it's actually a good enough film to have some very sturdy sea legs.

I left saying..."Keira!"

Expiry Date
I will probably actually see this again. It feels like a film most people will eventually watch during their lives.

When it comes out on DVD, you'll buy it. I'm looking forward to commentaries from the writers, the cast, and Jerry Bruckheimer.

Bottom Line: Don't miss it. Though you probably won't be able to.